I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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