she woke up with a sticky ear
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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