standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
