Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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