and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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