I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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