hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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