1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
