i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
