Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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