dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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