i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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