my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
