im about as happy as oj after his trial
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
