WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
