if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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