There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
