they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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