omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
