Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
