Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
