Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
