Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
