Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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