the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
