You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
