I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
