# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
