Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
