there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
