I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you didnt know i had herpes?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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