Please, let me fuck your mom
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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