I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
