You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
