I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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