it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
