Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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