Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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