are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
