and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
