The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
