I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
