drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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