your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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