No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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