i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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