Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
