i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
