Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
