My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
