I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
