He had one of those small greek statue penises
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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