apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
