I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
