yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
